I have been having a lot of thoughts on the issue of settling for less especially in regards to relationships. It has been weighing on my heart for so long especially since I made a conscious decision not to do that. If we are friends on Facebook my posts have been relating to this for some time but now I guess I should just blurt it all out already.
Every woman goes through those types of relationships where we do not know WHAT we are doing, to those where we do know but we don't know HOW to do it. Then we go through a confusion phase where we want to experience the perks of a relationship without really being in one. Then finally we realize we are worth so much more and we want something real, something that is based on real values and real commitment. I could just be talking about myself here but I think just one or two people can relate with what I am saying. I had to get to a point where I clearly listed down what type of woman I want to be- this is clearly related to who I am and not being unrealistic and then make a choice to do away with the things that have been holding me back (I am still a work in progress). Then I wrote down the type of man I wanted and MADE A CHOICE TO DO AWAY WITH THOSE THAT WERE NOT IN LINE WITH WHAT I HOPED FOR.
To get something good you have to position yourself for something better. I had to highlight that sentence because one thing I notice is deep down we hope for good relationships, we know what they look like, we know what is involved in building one but we are not setting ourselves up to get into these types of relationships. Why? Because we settle for what we have now and are busy hoping that something better will come along. The present is everything, with it we can truly analyze just where we are and then get a chance to dream, hope and pray for where we want to be. However, you cant just sit on A and dream of Z and hope you will miraculously get there, please note that there are 24 letters between you and your goal. This means that you have to take the first step in running towards what you want, not complaining that A sure does not look like Z. A has always been that way, you knew it was an A when you first saw it and probably fell in love with it so its either you accept that or start gradually progressing through the stages in life that will get you to Z.
When you pick something and you are not happy with it, you either decide to accept it as it is or just let go of it and pray to find something better. Complaining will not change it when in reality we really ought to be changing ourselves especially our attitude. This boils down to how we view ourselves because if you see yourself worth more than what you are getting, then you will jump at the first chance to make it right. A man who loves you will change and do as you suggested but one who doesn't will keep you entangled in his mess. That is when you walk away and when you walk, HONEY WALK, seriously. Do not half heartedly walk and come back the next day, give him time to grow and give yourself time to reflect on what next(notice how I said WHAT next and not WHO next). I used letters to describe the process of letting go of A to get to Z. Not that you date B right down to Y so you get to Z but that you live life through those 24 steps/levels. Build yourself, build your confidence, let go of past hurts, learn how to make yourself happy. It gets very difficult for you to settle for mediocre when you are at a place in your life where you are healthy.
When you look at the type of man you hope for you should also ask yourself,' am I what he would hope for as well? Am I bringing in quality to the relationship and not just a needy person who does not know how to command (not just demand) the best.' Lets face it good quality men are more likely to get good quality women and rarely can you bullshit your way into getting an intelligent man to invest his time and affection on a lady who will only be a huge waste of his life.
Settling is easy but once you have your eye on the prize it will involve a whole lot more than just expecting life to hand you a good thing while you pick your teeth with a toothpick. Get to understand that complaining about a person is just a silly waste of time and you should do away with it. If you want a situation to change then state it, if it doesn't then leave it and build yourself for a healthy relationship.
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