KNOWING 'WHAT' YOU ARE DEALING WITH

 GEN 2:18-20
I watched this video based on the Biblical readings above, Gen2:18-20 by Tera Carissa Hodges. The reading is about how God noticed that Adam needed a partner and told Adam "Hey I think you need a partner." Not His exact words but lets go with it. In verse 19 However, God proceeded to give Adam the animals so that He may name them, PRETTY AWKWARD right? You would think God would send Him a wife like two seconds later I mean that is God, He obviously says something and it comes to pass right? Right!
In this case though God puts Adam through assignment number one and NOT a wife. How Tera Carissa explains that is God needed to do that in order for Adam to be able to differentiate the animals with his wife. Makes sense since he wouldnt know what she would look like, was she a bird, a flower, a cat? WHAT was she was the greatest question and not WHO was she?
I find it simply cut throat that you are able to identify WHO it is and not really struggle with WHAT it is but as I thought about it we really do struggle with WHAT we are dealing with. A question in maturity comes to play (as the video title points out) how mature am I? How mature are we really that we can quickly identify WHAT we truly deserve?
I believe God has said He wants to bless us, wants to give us something good but then He takes us through situations where we have to name a bad situation for what it really is. He does this not that we may:
1. Settle
2. Give up
3. Think He did not hear
He does this so we can really call out something for what it really is and not confuse or try microwave it to be what it is not.
You want a great relationship but the guy you go out with isnt really great so you settle because you really do not know WHAT a great guy looks like or WHAT he does. What does a good man really look like, do or say anyway? Same goes for our friends... Unless you really recognise WHAT a bad friend is you will not really know WHAT a good friend does.
Watching the video made me realise the importance of being able to call out a bad thing for what it is. You can not recognise good if you do not recognise the bad first and see what you need to avoid. Instead we choose to settle for 'the animal' as the partner/ friend/ job/ life God intended for us.
A lesson for me is look for the WHAT this person really is and not the HOW he may look like. Part of maturity does involve correctly identifying and being able to distinguish between one thing and another.
REF: Are You Mature Enough To Identify Your Spouse
http://youtu.be/fcZ4Zd61z40

EVELYN LOZADA'S LETTER TO HER 7YR OLD SELF

My internet excursions led me to "Fix My Life" by Iyanla Vanzant with Evelyn Lozada. Those who haven't watched it well the episodes are about Evelyn Lozada focusing on positively changing her life. Reality TV fans know Evelyn from Basket ball wives and she is known for her crazy angry outbursts from throwing wine bottles and getting ready to get into a fight with just about anyone. In Fix My Life, Evelyn mentions how her step daughter was imitating her behavior and this led her to reflect on the choices she has made and the personality she has shown on television.

It is such a powerful letter and I thought of sharing it. There is a lot I can say about the impact a woman's choices has on her daughters and this letter is just a reflection of how that is what is important... who we are and what we leave to our children.

"Dear Mija,

In exactly twenty-nine years you’re going to find yourself at the middle of a mess that you unwillingly helped to create... You’re going to be the topic of a discussion about women on a national level that won’t be one of your proudest moments. And as large as your life may be at that time, the truth is that you’re going to feel painfully small.

You’ll look through the rearview mirror of your life and see a mountain of mistakes. You’ll realize that although it appears that you’re living out a dream, your seven year old self could never picture this near nightmare at thirty-six. You’ll remember the days when you drowned out the fighting and drama in your own house and the negativity of the women you loved who ultimately shape who you will become. You’ll recall the moments when you sat in front of the television each day after school in search of someone positive and found Oprah and wondered if people like her would ever be a part of your life, or if you’d always have the jaded ones you watched on Jerry Springer.

You’ll make no excuses for your actions, as a matter of fact, you’ll find yourself in tears at the Ah-ha moment Star Jones forces you to have. Beyond what you’ll initially perceive as a malicious attack by Star, lives a hard truth that will shake you to your core. YOU are the little girl, she’s talking about. And it hadn’t dawned on you the effects that your grown-up actions were having on the next generation of little ones who watch negative and abusive moments unfold on television.

It’ll take the moment when you see and hear your future step-daughters pretending to be “you” after watching you behave badly on T.V., that you’ll actually feel real shame. Knowing that the self image they were imitating was the very ‘image of self’ you will so desperately try to escape. In utter embarrassment you’ll find yourself explaining your unacceptable behavior to them, reaching for the imprint of encouragement felt by Star, Oprah, our First Lady Michelle Obama and other positive women of color that have gone before you and that are prayerfully standing behind you...encouraging you...willing you to stand in the space God will so graciously provide for you." It’ll be the wakeup call you need.

Until now, you’d never put a race, or face or even an age to the eyes that idolize you or see you as an example: be it good or bad. And although, conscious now, you’ll carry the fear of failure with you each second because deep down, you’ll realize that you yourself had never been taught better.

I cannot promise you perfection, Mija. I cannot say that overnight, I’m going to get it right every time. What I will promise you is that I will always remain conscious that little eyes like yours are watching me and because of that, I will try to be better.

Learning To Love You More,

Evelyn"

REFERENCE:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/05/evelyn-lozada-basketball-wives-letter_n_1571505.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hdO2wCWcKA

WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR IS WHAT YOU GET

I have been having a lot of thoughts on the issue of settling for less especially in regards to relationships. It has been weighing on my heart for so long especially since I made a conscious decision not to do that. If we are friends on Facebook my posts have been relating to this for some time but now I guess I should just blurt it all out already.

Every woman goes through those types of relationships where we do not know WHAT we are doing, to those where we do know but we don't know HOW to do it. Then we go through a confusion phase where we want to experience the perks of a relationship without really being in one. Then finally we realize we are worth so much more and we want something real, something that is based on real values and real commitment. I could just be talking about myself here but I think just one or two people can relate with what I am saying. I had to get to a point where I clearly listed down what type of woman I want to be- this is clearly related to who I am and not being unrealistic and then make a choice to do away with the things that have been holding me back (I am still a work in progress). Then I wrote down the type of man I wanted and MADE A CHOICE TO DO AWAY WITH THOSE THAT WERE NOT IN LINE WITH WHAT I HOPED FOR. 

To get something good you have to position yourself for something better. I had to highlight that sentence because one thing I notice is deep down we hope for good relationships, we know what they look like, we know what is involved in building one but we are not setting ourselves up to get into these types of relationships. Why? Because we settle for what we have now and are busy hoping that something better will come along. The present is everything, with it we can truly analyze just where we are and then get a chance to dream, hope and pray for where we want to be. However, you cant just sit on A and dream of Z and hope you will miraculously get there, please note that there are 24 letters between you and your goal. This means that you have to take the first step in running towards what you want, not complaining that A sure does not look like Z. A has always been that way, you knew it was an A when you first saw it and probably fell in love with it so its either you accept that or start gradually progressing through the stages in life that will get you to Z.

When you pick something and you are not happy with it, you either decide to accept it as it is or just let go of it and pray to find something better. Complaining will not change it when in reality we really ought to be changing ourselves especially our attitude. This boils down to how we view ourselves because if you see yourself worth more than what you are getting, then you will jump at the first chance to make it right. A man who loves you will change and do as you suggested but one who doesn't will keep you entangled in his mess. That is when you walk away and when you walk, HONEY WALK, seriously. Do not half heartedly walk and come back the next day, give him time to grow and give yourself time to reflect on what next(notice how I said WHAT next and not WHO next). I used letters to describe the process of letting go of A to get to Z. Not that you date B right down to Y so you get to Z but that you live life through those 24 steps/levels. Build yourself, build your confidence, let go of past hurts, learn how to make yourself happy. It gets very difficult for you to settle for mediocre when you are at a place in your life where you are healthy.

When you look at the type of man you hope for you should also ask yourself,' am I what he would hope for as well? Am I bringing in quality to the relationship and not just a needy person who does not know how to command (not just demand) the best.' Lets face it good quality men are more likely to get good quality women and rarely can you bullshit your way into getting an intelligent man to invest his time and affection on a lady who will only be a huge waste of his life.

Settling is easy but once you have your eye on the prize it will involve a whole lot more than just expecting life to hand you a good thing while you pick your teeth with a toothpick. Get to understand that complaining about a person is just a silly waste of time and you should do away with it. If you want a situation to change then state it, if it doesn't then leave it and build yourself for a healthy relationship.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO PROTECT

Still shaken up by what a 5yr old girl was telling us at the salon yesterday. After one of the ladies noticed something strange with how she walked and asked her what was wrong, she revealed that her father has been sexually assaulting her. I am trying to wrap my head around a man who ought to protect his child yet he is doing something so disgusting and unthinkable to her! That to me is the closest thing to murder because he has:
1. Killed her innocence.
2. Shattered her views about sex
3. Most likely damaged her future relationships with the opposite sex.
4. Killed her sense of security and safety
5. If her mother is in some twisted way involved, this will also affect her relationship with other women
The list can go on and on.
There is so much I can say about that vile example of a man and another thing about that innocent babys mother(I dont know circumstances leading to why she is living with her dad, didn't the wife notice his paedophile tendencies? Maybe, maybe not- I dont know) but it brought me back to the statistics last year about 33-34% of women said they would stay with a man even though he was defiling her kids as long as he was providing for her. That is the most proposterous thing I have ever heard! I don't want to say that this was the same case in this childs incident but if it was, we really need to sit back and re-evaluate why we get into relationships, get married and have kids. Is it to keep the man(or woman) with you? Fear of being alone? Not being able to fight for and protect your kids is a clear indication of an individual who probably doesn't really value his/her kids or is lost in some weird place where their safety means so much less than being someones partner.
Back to the salon: We had to take the baby away from that man (girl power) and to the nearest hospital and the police involved. To all parents out there just be very mindful of your kids, its not bad to be the over-protective, in your face, minding my kids business type of parent. I can't believe I am advocating for this but I have no doubt in my mind that it's way better than trusting the world will look out for your children. It doesn't hurt to be safe rather than sorry. To those of us who are around kids, pay close attention to them, open yours eyes and ears and take it upon yourself to make sure they are fine. I know we can't mobilize ourselves and sleep in every 5year olds home just to be sure but educating kids on what to do, if and when someone touches them inappropriately is a good start. They should never be afraid to speak out and trust someone and we should never be afraid to protect and fight for others.

FAITHFULNESS IS A FAIRYTALE.

The advert that has caused so much chaos on social media, with everyone going up in arms about how terrible or relevant it is.
The first time I watched it I was a bit taken back because last time it was Jimmi Gathu jumping out of closets in the middle of the night saying "achana na mpango wa kando" which basically meant stop your extra marital affairs. Well based on where we are now, That didn't work! So we are on "weka condom mpangoni" (if you are going to be unfaithful, use a condom) Well it is a good message. First, I couldnt shake the fact that someone who looks like my mother can be in an extra marital affair. Yes it happens but dammit, its disturbing. It is an ad that speaks to modern reality, that HIV is spreading mostly with the married couples and that most people will not leave their 'mpango wa kando'. I do believe those are the results of something gone wrong in society but isn't the main issue here immorality? Aren't we supposed to deal with the root of a problem and not the results of it?
I really can't say if its right or wrong, I am not married, I am just a 23yr old girl who has dreams of being married one day. Dreams of being married to a faithful man who has hopefuly been raised by parents who have drilled the importance of being faithful in his relationships. What Jimmi Gathu spoke to me was,"Mo, faithfulness is important, integrity is key to helping you grow and your own personal success as well as your relationships." This new ad says to me, "Mo, you are being a fool to expect faithfulness-grow up. Be realistic."
The last thing I want to do is hate on that ad but I speak from the perspective of a young girl who has been raised right and expects to be next to, not a perfect man, a man who believes in what is right as well. I feel so bad for the young people who are against it but can't open their mouths because it's downright unthinkable to be faithful and to value integrity. All I know is I do not support it because it sends a chill up my spine. I do however, make a choice to demand more from a man than him putting our marriage certificate in his left side coat pocket but he has a condom in his right side back pocket for his mistress. I didn't grow up in a home where I saw my parent sneaking around in the middle of the night or day so I believe God expects me to raise my kids in an equally stable environment.
Someone once told me my views on faithfulness are from a fairytale and are a result of me watching too many romantic movies.  I accept that but I rather live in a fairytale world than crossover to a sad reality where my own partner does not have my own back. May I and all the other people like me live happily ever after.

LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF by PHYLICIA RASHAD

Came across this letter with such beautifully written words by Phylicia Rashad who most of us know from the Cosby show, I couldn't help but sit down and reflect on them.
"Dear Phylicia,
Romantic involvement distracts you and can blind you to what's really
in front of you. And what really is in front of you? You are. You don't
even know yourself yet. You think you know and you want to assert
that you do, now that you're a certain age, but you don't. What's
in front of you is a whole world of experiences beyond your imagination. Put yourself, and your growth and development, first.
There are long-term repercussions to what you're doing now. Everything you do, every thought you have, every word you say
creates a memory that you will hold in your body. It's imprinted on you and affects you in subtle ways—ways you are not always aware of. With that in mind, be very conscious and selective.
With high hopes for you,
Phylicia"
The words hit hard, hit home actually. Many times I have been dubbed selfish especially with my heart. I am painfully selective of who I give it to. I always had this inner awareness from a long time ago that my heart is responsible for my well being and if I go around giving it to everyone I may end up broken and bitter. I have grown up trusting this belief, though I also think Phylicia didn't quite only mean giving only of our hearts but our mind, body and time as well.
There is so much I could say about all those but I am on that journey as well, the learning process. I realise I wasted so much time trying to love and get that love in return. Only now that my life is on the right track in terms of my career and building myself do I see the importance of putting yourself on a pedestal and having that child-like'mine mine mine' protection of your heart, mind, body and future.
My mum always says focus on what's infront of you now and the rest will follow.